


Homeless

by TheZubat



Category: TMNT - Fandom
Genre: F/M, raph/reader - Freeform, x Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:16:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 20,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9859697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheZubat/pseuds/TheZubat
Summary: a raph/reader fic out of boredom. probably gunna b shit. reader knocks themselves out n ch1. not a helpless damsel.feedback and suggestions r frieking great and will keep this running smoothly because it adds to momentum!





	1. Slippery When Wet

**Author's Note:**

> Reader is 18+ but I don't want to state an actual age. Lets say 18-23, ok?

You used to love the rain. When you lived with your parents it was nice to sit at the window and watch it while you were inside and dry. Not any more though. Now there was no way of staying dry living in the sewer. You constantly had a rash from wet clothes rubbing every which way.

The reason you’re in this awful living situation is their fault. They couldn’t handle your inclination for weird things and lack of social skills. You had always been a trouble child in their eyes because you preferred to befriend boys instead of girls and shorts over skirts. Eventually enough is enough and you left as soon as you were legally able, hopped a grey hound, and went as far as your last allowance had let you. Turns out that was New York. The money you had saved from past allowances and being a bit of a hermit and never spending any of it on parties or going out with friends, left you some rent money. Well, until they closed your bank account and took the rest of it back. That left you where you were now; wondering the sewers of new York, which were blessedly big enough to walk through in most places as to not completely throw out your back. 

Well, you could be up on the surface, but that meant getting jumped again, and after a few times of that happening, you figured this was the safest place to be. After all, rats weren’t ones to pick fights. Occasionally you would run into another homeless person, but usually they were old and feeble and just wanted spare change, which you usually didn’t have.

Well, it wasn’t really so bad most of the time, food was easy to scavenge up as long as you waited till night time to go raid dumpsters, and there was no rent or property tax on living down here. You just had to run if you saw cops looking around and hope they didn’t catch you, but that hardly happened here.

Well, usually. Currently you were running from someone behind you. You never bothered looking behind you because it simply didn’t matter who was chasing you, they were just chasing you and you didn’t want to get caught for whatever reason they had for chasing you. It was never a good reason to be chased. It seemed like you had run a few miles and you were getting tired, but sore legs was better than getting locked up or beat up, or worse things no one wanted to think about. If push came to shove, you’d just have to duke it out and hope there was only one opponent.

True to form, push came to shove; you hadn’t seen the rat you slipped on. Not wanting to give the pursuer a chance to grab at you, you flipped over to your back and kangaroo kicked who-ever-the-hell as they nearly stumbled over you. Your legs were throbbing from running so much, not to mention every crease on your body ached with fire from the friction of constantly wet clothes. You were panting heavily, but you could tell this was no cop by the whining voice. Sure, your boots were heavy, but a cop wouldn’t whine so high pitched about getting kicked in the chest like that. This guy, sounded to be a teenager at that.

“What was that for!?” The voice sounded prepubescent even. None the less, you staid in your attack stance; you’d been tricked by young kids waiting for back up to jump you before. Granted this one chased you for longer than usual, but persistence gained him no points of value here.

He came up to you with hands raised and asked for you to calm down, but you were having none of that.

“What, so you can fucking jump me? Prick, I’m not falling for it.” With that you lashed out. He dodged it quickly with astonishing ease. Well, this clearly was about to be a difficult fight for you; you kept up the momentum and spun to kick.

He blocked it with his arm and knee, which seemed odd to you, “What?! No!”

The ground was slick with rain water and more disgusting smelly stuff you learned to ignore, but there was also a loose pipe some where you could hear gushing water. You couldn’t see well enough seeing as it was dark, the cars passing over head and sloshing water through the man holes and water grates didn’t help. It made everything echo and hard to tell exactly where you were in the tunnel. Thus leading to on your eventual knock on the forehead while assaulting this creep who had chased you all the way down here. The actual blow to the head wasn’t all that bad, just disorienting, which was bad news on a slick stone floor. _That_ knock on the head is what did you in.

Passing out had gone quickly, there was hardly any time to think as your head hit the floor. It had seemed like no time had passed at all when you opened your eyes. They popped open and you shot upright to view your surroundings, which very clearly were not the same as when you hit the floor. This seemed more like a home, but well, not. It was clearly still under ground, but clearly lived in.

“Squatters.” You decided. It had to be from any logical sense.

“Rude.” A deeper voice than before stated. You screamed and fell off the couch. You wiped your head around to look for the owner of the voice only to see what looked like a scaley person leaning in a doorway not all that far from where you were.

“I knew that fucker wasn’t alone, what’d you do to me!?” You demanded to know. No one attacks and kidnaps a person for no reason after all,  
“How many of you fucks are there?”

The monster went from already pretty dead panned to a far more annoyed version of the same dead pan then going to another door and banging on it harder than necessary and hollering,  
“Mikey, your pets awake and she’s a bitch!”

Then he just stormed off back to the first door he had been in and slammed it behind him.

Pet? Were all of these sewer guys monster? Did they really see you as their new pet?

You knew you were in trouble now. Jail time seemed a whole lot better now. You were begging your brain to let this be a nightmare and you’d wake up somewhere sane.

No such luck. Another one of the scaley subhuman monsters popped its head out of the door, locked eyes with you for a second then bolted over with the biggest grin,

“You’re awake!” He shouted in your ear as he jumped on you and pinned you with a crushing…. Hug?

You had no idea why your captor would be hugging you. The thought that along with being a mutated creep he might also be crazy.

“Ohmygodiwassoworriedaboutyouwhenisawyoudownhere!whyareyouevendownhere,didyoufall?areyouok?Donniesaidyouwerebutareyou?Didyouhurtyourselffallingoffthecouch?whydidyoufallanyway?”

“STOP!” You screeched and started to shove the creature off of you; his mile-a-minute questions were making your anxiety over the whole situation that much worse and he was heavy as hell any way.

Surprisingly he got off you though, sitting on his knees just far enough away that you could get up and to your feet, but he looked so pathetic. Big puppydog eyes behind the most obnoxiously bright orange mask.

“Why are you wearing that?” You realized to late that instead of thinking the question, that you had asked it aloud.

“To hide my secret identity, _duh_.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
“I’m Mikey!” He gave a huge grin and his hand, completely defeating the point of the mask apparently, “What’s your name?”

You were honestly taken completely aback by this and couldn’t think of any excuse why not to answer,  
“Uh…. (y/n).”


	2. it was almost a nice day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reader has depression she wants to ignore, she is also really restless and tries to get out some pent up feelings but screws it all up. shenanigans begin

After the whole explanation as to why the turtles looked like they did, you were… well, you were still weirded out a whole lot, but they gave you dry clothes and food so you weren’t about to complain.

Turns out, Mikey had three brothers and none of them was like the other. Well, Leo and Raph seemed so some times, but even then, just barely. Outside of that, they really were like normal teenagers, messy rooms and all. You had only been there a week but it was pretty obvious. The rat-man, Splinter, had seemed unwilling to let you stay until Mikey begged on your behalf; which you stated over and over that he didn’t need to do, but Donnie chimed in about the concussion and then that sealed your fate and you were stuck.

Right now though, it was calm and almost boring. Everyone was watching some lame old ninja movie that you honestly didn’t care much about- It was too hokey for your taste- So you went to the Dojo and looked around to see if there was anything you could mess with without being noticed. You decided on the wooden dummy and started beating the absolute snot out of it.

Any sort of emotion usually came out as anger; you were nervous being here – fore fist- you were guilty from being the aggressor on Mikey- high kick- you always felt like you were invading here – elbow strike- when they told you that you weren’t you felt even more guilt – back fist, spin, dodge, fore fist, back ficst, back kick, round kick, dodge, freeze in horror as you notice someone watching you.

“Wow. Who pissed _you_ off?” Raph smirked; he probably found it funny since he spent much more time in here than his brothers did.

You were panting slightly but trying to make it seem less so in front of Raphael. There was no hiding you weren't in shape: you never really had been, but dumpster take out hadn't ever done you any favors. You didn’t want to seem weak to anyone, but especially not to someone who would never let it go and you had the distinct and we'll proven impression he would be that kind of person. Well, that kind of _turtle_.

You held his gaze in a dare to make fun of you but had no other answer. It wouldn’t be right to say nothing, but you also didn’t have a very specific reason either. You and he had very similar stances most of the time, the main one being the resting bitch face and short temper.

You shrugged and started to walk past him to go back to the movie but were stopped,  
“Aye, hol’ up. Lemme show ya how ta really get’m.”  
Usually you two were at each other’s throats, so him offering to show you how to attack correctly seemed out of character, so did the amused grin for that matter. The fact that he had a hold of your arm didn’t sit well with you either. Raphael didn't trust easily and he had spent the whole past week harping on the fact. It would have been fair to assume he hated you if he even cared that much, but this spoke to the contrary and it sat wrong in your gut.

“I don’t trust you.” You stated flatly, “Why'ould ya help me?”

He snorted and wobbled his head in that ‘yeah that makes sense’ kind of way that looked like a sort of bastardized mix between a yes and no.  
“Cus yer stance’s awful. Some punk’ll knock ya of yer feet in no time flat.”

You glowered at the red bandana wearing jerk. You did consider it though, seeing as he clearly was good at this kind of thing and you'd be lying if you said you held no respect for him in that regard. You nodded after a long contemplative moment,  
“Okay… S’long as you don’ fuck me over, yeah?”

The two of you clasped arms in a truce then made it to the center of the room where it was cleared. you gave Raph a distrusting side glance, wondering how this was supposed to help.

“Attack me, I’ll tell ya what yer fuckin’ up.”

Oh fuck this turtle! You tried your best to hit him with everything you had. You failed every single time of course, seeing as he was a mutant and had several clear advantages over you. You really did give it your all though, and sure enough, he did correct you instead of just teasing you. Well, he teased you a whole lot too, but it only fueled you more. All in all, it was helpful and you had to thank him for it.

“Ey.” You were bent over trying to catch your breath when you were done for the day, he only half turned back to you when you stopped, “Thanks. For helpin’.” You both smirked at each other. In the way of emotionally stunted assholes, you two had garnered some semblance of comradery.

“No prob kid,” Kid? You were the same age, the jerk, “Couldn’ let ya walk ‘roun’ here getting’ beat up all the time. Y’won’ always have me ta save ya!”

Yep, definitely fuck Raphael. The sparing had gotten out a lot of animosity, and helped you with your form -a couple of times he had had to stop everything and physically show you how to move your body correctly- but he was so smug it was just … there were no words for how grating it was.

 

The next few months went like that; Once the guys were back from patrol, Raph would take you to the Dojo and you would try to beat the crap out of each other and the intentional jeers turned into more playful ones. It was the best way for the two of you to let off steam with out a 'let's evaluate your faults' session with Splinter. The only time you didn’t have lessons was after the guys got a real beating, and you’d just sit in the living room feeling guilty that you sat around trying to beat Mikey’s scores on all of his games while they were making a difference out there and no one even thanked them for it. Hell, no one knew they were doing it at all!

The guilt ate you up most of the time. Occasionally you would sit in Donnie’s lab and help him with projects -what little help you could be in there any way- and it would be a distraction from the height of emotions you couldn’t ever seem to get rid of no matter how hard you hit the dummies. The blurred line of balance you had between overwhelming numbness in emotion and an overload of potent emotion was hard to control- at least on the inside. Usually you just straight faced it like you'd learned to do growing up and pretend it wasn't a thing. Most of the time you went in Mikey’s room and listened to him whine about the high score being replaced with “DIK” instead of the usual “MKY” and play two players with him. He enjoyed it and it, again, was a good distraction for you; not that you didn’t also enjoy it. What ever miniscule enjoyment or help you could give the guys helped to alleviate the heavy guilt you had due to the uselessness you felt hearing how they saved the day unbeknownst to the rest of the world and you _needed <\I> that._

__

Today was too much though, the air was too heavy, your mind to hectic, skin too tight and hyper sensitive, and your body was too weak to handle all of it. You left the liar while the guys all slept and just ran, you needed to run. It was day time, so the light coming through the slots of space above was enough to not run into the walls. You had never been a very healthy person, but since training with Raph (and Leo sometimes, which really was the only time you even tolerated him really) you had taken to training or running when you needed to blow steam or de-stress. You ran for a couple miles. Far more than you ever had before. At first it had been to breathe, to escape yourself, but then it became for fun somehow. Leaping over objects that had fallen in and really didn’t belong down here, sliding through the sludge in your worn out old sneakers, jumping up and swinging from the grate rails for no real reason. Then you realized you were lost. You had gotten yourself lost in the middle of the day in a sewer system, like an absolute moron. Panting, you started banging your head on the stone wall after having looked around a couple times and come to said realization.

You had no idea how many turns you had taken in your frantic need to escape. And, after months of staying dry in the boy’s spare clothes, you now had damp basketball shorts that didn’t fit well enough to stay up right in the first place and you could feel them threatening to slip from the weight of the water splashed up on them. At least most of you was dry and rash free now though.

“Ok, well, I guess I gotta find an open manhole to see where I even am…” You thought aloud. You were just a normal girl, there was no way you could open one of those covers by yourself no matter how hard you trained.

 

An hour and a half later, you managed to find a half off cover and got up that way. It had been so long since you were on the surface that you needed to get to a bus stop to find a map to figure out where you were and to get back home.

That was a weird thought that made you stop and second guess if you should even go back. Yeah, Splinter and the guys said you could stay, but that didn’t really make it ‘home’. It had been so long since you even had one that you weren’t sure what dictated a home really.

 

You were so far away from the liar that it would take either the rest of the day to walk back or to get a bus, which you had no money for unless you pick pocketed someone. Which you haven’t done in a very long time and knew you would be rusty at, but, the draw to being lazy was too great this time thanks to your tired legs which could easily be mistaken to lead weights at this point.

A shell phone would have really come in handy, but you knew that even if you had one, you wouldn't be able to bring yourself to wake any one up just to walk you back to the lair. Plus another Leo-rant wasn't appealing what so ever.

You started heading back to the liar on your own with a heavy sigh and the nearest bus stop, trying to discern the easiest person to pick pocket from. You really didn’t want to walk home that far after having run all this way and having the option to take a ride with the small price of petty theft. After all, it wasn’t like you were some goody two shoes before living with the guys, and you weren’t now either.  
You chose some guy paying more attention to his phone than the people he almost walked into, plus his pants were hanging off him so low there wouldn’t be any way he could feel you take his wallet!

“Hells yeah!” You cheered mentally.

You tried to follow him a while inconspicuously till there were less people around to see you, should one of them try to tattle. You had almost wiggled the fat wallet out of the guy’s pocket when he stopped short and you ran into him. Every curse you knew flew through your mind within .03 seconds. Seeing the guy turn towards you with absolute rage made your heart stop. You felt so small under the gaze of this man with the scared face and it caused you to stutter your apologies and excuses even though it was obvious he wasn’t buying any of them. This was not someone you should have tried to steal from… Jacking some ladies purse would have been a better idea.

You Bolted.

 

You could have beaten that guy, you know you could have. But you also knew he had a gun in his jacket pocket. You had seen it when you were trying to take his wallet just before he stopped short. No one had ever shown you what to do if someone you were pickpocketing had a gun, and there was no dodging it at point blank, so you ran.

Luckily the guy had terrible aim as he chased you, a little less lucky was he had stopped because he was meeting up with some friends at that corner and now five guys were chasing you down the street. No one tried to help, they just got out of the way and/or screamed.

All of that aside, you were starting to get a little dizzy and your vision was blackening on the outside. A really bad day to have not eaten anything. Before the idea of eating had made you sick, so you just hadn’t, but now you thoroughly regretted it. You were burning to much energy.

You had to make a mental note to eat better and stop giving in to the self-indulgence of pizza every time the guys ordered it. It clearly was doing you no favors.

 

You weren’t even worried about getting home any more, you were looking for an open manhole or broken grate to jump down. Usually you wouldn’t get chased down one if you fled that way, and you hopped it’d be the case this time. However, the universe hated you today. You had no suck luck and onto of that, It pulled up a chunk of side walk and placed it right where you would roll your ankle on it.

Your face hit the ground so hard it ripped off skin from your cheek, not to mention the palms of your hands and knees too. You needed jeans. You really wish you were wearing your original clothes right now, they could have taken at least the damage your knees took. But nope, it’s pick on (y/n) day and the universe is having a field day.

You spun around as quickly as you could, ignoring the burning sting in your hands and knees in time to see the group of jerks run up on you and get two guns in your face. You couldn’t even look your assailants in the face, just at the barrels of the guns. The guns were far more intimidating.

‘’Yo, D-vo,” One of the men without a gun got the new-guman’s attention, “Wudif we give dis bitch to them feet muthafuckers?”

The group of men exchange looks and you try to inch backwards only to have the original man thrust his gun at your face,  
“Y’now what, dasa good idea. Them foot men go hard ah fuck. Fuck dis thievin bitch, l bet they gon stick her n dat goo shit; s’gotta be worse’n getting shot.”

“yeah,” one of the others chuckled while grabbing your arm and forcefully yanking you to your feet, “I seen one die in there.”

You were thoroughly mortified. What Goo? Who were ‘Feet People’? More Mutants? It was worse than getting shot!?

You should have stayed with the turtles. You should have stayed in the sewer. You should have at least left a note saying youd be back soon and to save you if you weren’t! None of them knew you had left, or for that matter, they might not even care if they thought you did it with the intention of not coming back!

You’re alone. You. Are. On. Your. _Own_.

The Idea terrifies you into screaming and kicking. You hope someone would save you, but no one did. The gun fire had cleared the streets of anyone who might have tried to help you.

The guy dragging you stopped only to punch you in the ribs, which thanks to Raph and Leo, you could take fairly easy even though you were pretty sure it would still bruise. Seeing it wasn’t enough to quite you though, he yanked you up again, throwing you off your already hindered balance and wrapped his arm around ur neck so you couldn’t breath and it was hard to struggle.

You’d never been able to break free when Raph did it and you weren’t able to now! You panicked, your breath control went right out the window and you were beating haphazardly on the guys back as your vision faded to blackness.

The last thing you thought before completely fading out was ‘please save me.’


	3. Welp...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haaaa you're screwed.

When you came to, you weren’t exactly surprised that you were tied to a chair. It was to cliché` to be surprised over really. You being you, you figure that if you’re going to die anyway and since there are a few people in the vicinity, might as well be a smart ass about it.

“I’m tied to a chair… I am _not_ shocked.” You huff with exaggerated dramatics,  
“Like, for real, it would have been less cliché` if it was a couch or a truck seat, or, I dunno, _anything_ else.”

None of the people in the room looked at you. They all had the same suits on that looked like ninja costumes you would see on old cartoons, accept they had red symbols on them like a poorly drawn foot. You know the guys had mentioned this clan before, but how it seemed now, it seemed less like a clan and more like a gang of idiots.

“Feet People makes sense now.” You thought with the deadest tone of voice. It was ridiculous. This whole scenario was ridiculous. The scientists scurrying around, the angry Japanese or Korean or Chinese -you really couldn’t tell which it was- being slung around was ridiculous, and so were the oversized containers of …. Goo?

Was that the crap the dick bags were talking about before you were choked? Probably. You had a healthy fear for it by the context it was given, but since you didn’t know what it was or what it did, you really weren’t as scared as you thought you should have been really.

“Ok, ok… Not a damsel in distress… I’ll never live this down if the guys have to save me.” You thought. You had the slightest bit of wiggle room and some pretty baggy clothes, so that was good; you were able to wiggle your arms to the front of yourself and pull your pocket-knife-comb you had in your hoody pocket. You pretty much always had it as a last resort kind of thing- last thing you wanted to do was go to jail for murder- but right now, getting the rope cut and booking it the hell out of here was priority number one and everyone seemed to be ignoring you for the moment any way. Seeing as you almost never used the thing since it was a gift from your parents you begrudgingly kept for practicality, it was pretty sharp still. It was cutting through the rope pretty quickly, up until one of the pajama ninjas spotted you and yanked it out of your still mostly tethered hands and held it to your throat.

“Do you think you can escape us so easily?” Where you expected an accent, there was none. That in itself was unsettling,  
“The Shredder has worked very hard to make this a possibility and you will not screw this up for us. He will have our heads if we were to allow you to escape, so I simply cannot allow it.” The masked man chuckled a bit.

Ok, you had heard the name Shredder before, it wasn’t any less dumb now, but having it as a threat made it a little more urgent and a little more terrifying. You prayed to have Raph and Mikey tease you over being captured at this point. That was a far better situation than feeling the knife scrape at your neck.

‘Think! Think, think, think! Fuck it.’

You kick the asshole in his shin since that’s all you could really get with how you two were positioned. What did it matter how you died? Either they were going to do something with that goo and kill you, or you were going to get stabbed and die. Might as well waste their efforts and get stabbed, right?

Well, neither was about to happen. Instead u got back handed, stabbed in the thigh with your own ridiculous knife, and had your chair kicked onto it’s back, smacking your head into the cement of the wear-house. Great. Good Job you. You are effectively FUCKED.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter because i need to POV change to progress the story line. sorry.
> 
> ALSO: How do you think the guys will react to reader being just up n gone? how do you think they would react to not finding her at all?


	4. Find. Her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I forgot all the edits I wanted to make so here's a short chapter instead.

“Donnie!” Raph hollered as he slammed his hands down on the poor guy’s wobbly metal desk, knocking over several vials of stuff.

Donatello looked up from his speed typing with the deadest face and spoke with a venomous tone,

“Raphael, yelling at me wONT MAKE ME FIND HER ANY FASTER!”

It had been nearly three days and no one had any idea where (y/n) was. Leo and Splinter had suggested that she might have just decided to leave, but the fact that she left all of her belongings here proved otherwise : at least to Raph and Mikey. Donnie stayed in the neutral zone, not wanting to get worked up over thoughts of either side of the ordeal.

Raph looked over at Mikey sulking in the corner of the lab staring off into space. Raph had managed to get close to (y/n) but she and Mikey were possibly best friends. She damn sure was _Mikey’s_ best friend… and the closest thing he had to one too.

To Raph, the whole liar seemed off balance. It was eerily quiet no matter if April and Casey were here or not. Patrols ran longer in her search and coming home empty handed seemed all the more vial to him when the sickening feeling of training with out (y/n) set in.

“Raph?” Donnie all but whispered, snapping Raph out of his pity party trance.  
“WHAT!?”  
Donnie flinched a little, half due to the ringing in his ears as his brother’s voice bounced off the walls back at him,  
“Uh… you’re” he pointed hesitantly up at Raph’s face, “you’re crying.”

Raphael didn’t need to check his face, he could feel it now that it was pointed out and it only made his scowl set in deeper.

“Find her Don.” The deadly quite in Raph’s tone was far more menacing to the boys than any of his yelling, and he further scared them by just walking off rather than abusing something within arms reach like he usually would.

“You better find her before he snaps Bruh.” Mikey chances a whisper as his anger ridden brother skulked off out of sight.

“Yeah…” Donnie swallowed hard and prayed he’d find her soon.


	5. There she is! (Pt1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will add more later!

5 days. It took them all 5 days to get a lead and find an entire warehouse full of mutagen and caged mutants.

Raph snarled at the view through the grimey window, he barely registered the prickling feeling of cold rain splattering against his scales or the sound they drops made as they pelted his and his brothers shells.

The other boys sported more fear and disgust than anger, not that it was entirely absent.

“How can they do that to people…?” Mikey’s voice cracked as he asked his brothers, not towards any of them in particular. He looked towards Donatello with sad eyes and asked if there was any way to fix them.

“First we have to figure out how to get them out Mikey,” Leo spoke up, horrific awe still in his voice, “I see 10 mutants in there but who knows what we don’t see…” he sort of just trailed off as he continued to take in the different mind sets locked in those cages. Some were pressed into corners trying to make themselves appear small while others screamed or ran laps in their cages. They were all in different stages of mutation as well, something Donnie just picked up on if his gasp was anything to go by.

“Guys, I don’t think these are just mutants, I think they’re experimenting with the mutigen!”

"That's her." Raph disregarded his brother and pointed out the only turtle in the line up since it didn't matter why it happened to them.

"How do you know Raph?" Leo looked distrustful and confused as to how he could possibly know that.

Raph glared from the corner of his eye, not willing to look away just yet,  
"Remember when Baxter mutated, or that weird pigeon-man? Humans mutate to the last animal they touched and the animals mutate to be more human. Plus she's acting like a feral cat, that's kind of her M.O. when she's cornered... Now come on!" Raph knew your panic better than any of the others, he'd spent too long sparring with you not to recognize when you knew you were beat but kept fighting any way. Nor.ally the animalistic reaction would be amusing or maybe even cute of occasion, but seeing this now was far past Raph's breaking point.

That was all the patience Raph had for the day Leo guessed. For once, he wasn't going to argue it. He would have liked to have a plan of attack first, but he was cold and tired and they _finally_ found (y/n). That and he had to admit his plans never went according to plan any way, especially when Raph was on the war path.

"Cmon guys." He rallied his remaining brothers who actually listened to him. Usually.


	6. There she is! (Pt2)

With only short instruction, Raph pretty much dictated that the scientist was his to maim and the others were to take out as many foot clan members as they could while Donnie figured out the lock system, which from the window looked heavy duty and on the techy side to the group.

Having ripped off one the metal sheets that made up the roof, Raph hopped down without a second thought, landing on a foot soldier. Three things were immediately clear; that soldier was going to be out for days, several bones were broken if the snapping sounds were any indication, and Raph was 100% not Fucking around. He attacked with focused precision and had 4 foot-bots and 3 human foot soldiers decimated in near no time at all and glared down the man in the white lab coat. He was on his way stomping over to him when a flash of navy blue and sick green flew by him, barrelling into Raph's victim. He was about to scream at which ever brother did it but had to stop short when he saw the ball of rage biting down the man's throat -gargling his screams of agony- and pummeling him with absolutely no tact or regard of any kind, was the captive turtle. He immediately recognized the tattered Hoody as (y/n)'s but on a longer and ever so slightly closer inspection, you hadn't really mutated as much as he thought. Yes your skin was green and your eyes were currently shielded by the extra eyelid, but your scales were about an inch or two apart and way larger than his. It looked incredibly unnatural, even for a mutant. He also noticed a distinct lack of shell, but some sort of likeness was melded into your back, much like the other scales, but much larger and closer together.

Raph was so wrapped up in all of this at once that he hadn't heard his brothers run up behind him or hear the shouting until the last second.  
They were yelling at him to do something and trying to shake him out of what ever kind of trance he was in as he watched you, but he couldn't take his eyes off of the uncapped carnage going on. How primal it was. How scared it all seemed. He knew what lashing out in fear looked like all to well, he just didn't know what to do about it.

He didn't react to anything up until Leo tackled (y/n) and threw her off the near dead man. Obvious fear and confusion seeped out of his brothers, all of them, and maybe himself too, but he wasn't sure. But it was enough to break him into reality again.

"(Y/N)!" Raphael shouted at your shaking form, he noticed a cut in the shorts Mikey let you borrow near a week ago and how it didn't fit the rest of the damage Hoi g on, how the blood stain was dry and your weight was mostly on the other leg.  
"(Y/n), it's gunna be OK, we gotta ya." You looked like you were going to bolt and that scared him more than how violent you were being, "Cmon, we gotta get you back to the lair so we can fix what ever they fu-" Raph cut himself off when he noticed the heavy breathing wasn't from your attack, it was because you were crying. He wasn't even sure you could see them past the tears and eye shield, or even if you knew what you were doing with the mutagen in your brain for who knows how long.

"(Y/n)? You OK bro?" Mikey spoke up, voice clipping a bit, unsure if he should even speak right now.

For a second, it looked like you might attack and the boys took defence, but before they could even finish getting in position, you wobbled and fell forward, passed out.

The brothers all glanced at each other, unsure what happened or what to do.  
"We'll fix her." Donnie claimed quietly, padding over to her to pick her up out of the blood and dirt -and who knows what else-,  
"Starting with that leg."

"Can you turn her back?" Mikey almost didn't want to ask and for once half hoped no one even heard him.


	7. Whats wrong with you!?

Raph has had enough; she just wouldn't stop fidgeting! He thought having (y/n) back in the lair would settle everything back to normal even if she was a partially mutated turtle, but it was the exact opposite. She hardly said anything or even moved! The first 2 days he thought it was residual fear from being kidnapped and experimented on, but it had been near a week now it it was driving him up a wall the way she clawed at her scales and whined in her sleep.

He stomped into the living room to find her curled up on the floor upfront of the corner of the couch and not paying any attention to the TV she had on. The closer he got the more he realized it was on to cover her whines and his jaw clinched nearly as hard as hers looked to be.  
"What the hell is your problem (y/n)!?"  
The lack of an answer only pissed him off more. He might have hit her if she wasn't... well, her. But he was so tempted right now!  
"(Y/n)!"

All she managed was a pathetic glance up at the angry turtle before clawing at her scalp and letting out a whine.

Raph yanked (y/n) up by the front of her hoodie and gave her a quick jerk,  
"You have to talk to us some time (y/n)! Other wise why the hell did we risk our lives to save you!?"

Eyes peeled around doors as Raph hollered. He could feel the stares but it wasn't his priority right now so they went ignored.

"S -whine- sorry..." it was almost a whisper, if that, and it pissed him off more to the point he trusted her away from him a bit as not to do something he'd regret,  
"Your sorry!? I don't want your 'sorry'! I wanna know what the fuck is going on with you! All you do is pull at your Hoody and stay curled up in a ball all the time, and not to mention the screaming at night!" She flinched Every time Raph's voice got louder, "it's a god damned wonder any one can sleep!" He paused, breathing ragged but she still wasn't saying anything!  
"IS IT SO TERRIBLE BEING A TURTLE TO YOU!?"

(Y/N) let out a sob, a small quite one first but it quickly turned into loud screaming sobs,  
"YES!"

That struck a huge nerve with Raph, he could hear a gasp and feel the air stiffen and go stale from his brothers similar reactions. He went to shove her and tell her to leave but she started again, loudly.

"IT HURTS! IT HURTS SO FUCKING MUCH I WISH THEYD KILLED ME RAPH!" He looked stunned, at a loss for what to do, " MY SKIN FEELS LIKE ITS STRETCHED TOO TIGHT AND CAKED IN MUD I CANT GET OFF! MY SPINE FEELS LIKE ITS NOT EVEN THERE ANY MORE! IT FEELS NUMB AND PAINFUL AT THE SAME TIME, AND ITS SO HARD TO BREATHE! MY BONES FEEL SHATTERED AND WELDED TOGETHER WRONG, NONE OF MY BODY IS RIGHT RAPH! IT HURTS! AAAAAAA," She started pulling at her Hoody again and Raph noticed the dark patches against the navy blue and realization hit him, she was pulling at her scales! He grabbed her arm quick as lightning and shoved her sleeve up to reveal the missing patches that left open sores where she'd successfully ripped off scales. He felt sick looking at it but he couldn't look away. She just kept screaming 'it hurts' over and over and sank back into her crouched position again, slipping easily from his loosened grip. All he could do was looking horror as his heart ran a mile a minute.

It wasn't until she stopped screaming that he snapped out of it and realized why she stopped at all. And equally horrified Donatello stood between them with an emptied syringe in one hand and held up her limp, whining, body in the other.  
Raphael looked around the room slowly to see his brothers and father looking in varying degrees of horror and shock and disgust, but all quite and not sure what to do.

Looking back at the only one who might know, Raph hardly recognized his own voice from how ancient the fear made it sound,  
"Don... wha... whuddo we do?"

"I dunno Raph..."


	8. Tanked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie's tryin man...

Donnie clacked away at his keyboard, every once in a while glancing behind himself when ever Raphael snored and disturbed his concentration. He knew there was no use in trying to get him to leave, not after (y/n) had been transferred to the tank. When she was just sedated on the table, he could get Raph to leave for a little bit and get tests and other things done, but since the transfer he hardly moved. Just brooded in his corner.

They all knew he blamed himself for not saving (y/n) in time and for causing her breaking point, and this was his way of punishing himself, but no one knew what to do; not even Splinter could think of a solution even after talking to Raph about it. Though Donnie suspected Splinter knew Raph wouldn't budge even before he tried.

The tank itself wasn't really anything special, it just kept you from getting bed sores and was an external means of numbing the body rather than constant injection. A marginally safer way to keep you knocked out and out of pain. Though lately Donnie wasn't sure you were actually knocked out or not; the wires attached to (y/n)'a head to monitor brain activity seemed responsive at times. Several other vital monitors seemed to agree but the area in the brain that registered pain never went off while she was in the tank so he never mentioned it.

He had learned a few things though; firstly and foremost, that she was scared nearly 100% of the time. He had a sneaking suspicion her anxiety levels were down right now was purely do to Raph being in the room. While he could understand fear and anxiety over the whole situation, the amount and consistency lead him to believe this had been a long standing and untreated issue. He wanted very much to ask if maybe that was the reason she left the lair that day, but it would have to be a question asked when he figured out a retro-mutagen specific to her odd mutation. The fact that he had little to know idea what else they had done to (y/n) only aided to the complexity of finding a solution.

The last thing he learned about (y/n) specifically was almost amusing in its fervor was how much she hated Leo being in the room. Whether Raph was in or not. He had never noticed how irritated he had made you before, but now your emotions were quite literally on display for him. It lead to question how you felt about him, naturally. Mikey too, but at the same time, he knew you seemed to genuinely enjoy playing games with him and would bet on you two being near best friends. It was one of the few times he could call to mind seeing you smile even.

He sighed and shoved away from his computer, unable to figure anything out for now. The priority right now wasn't even to turn you human again -not that he'd say that to any one if they asked- but he wanted y/n to be able to exist with out pain at least! That was what he'd been working on, but he honest to god couldn't even figure out what happened to her to be able to figure out why it hurt in the first place.

Granted he was sure a portion of it was that her spine had half fused into her almost shell, but he had no idea how to fix that and the other things she had said... screamed... didn't match up with that being the cause either. More or less, he figured your body just knew it was wrong and was just reacting to it as best it knew how.

Having drudged over across his home, he made himself coffee and flopped down on the living room couch. Coffee and a nap seemed counter productive to most, but with the way he worked, black coffee might as well have been camomile tea.

Half of his mind ran wild and rampant with equations and attempts to figure everything out, while the other battles for calm and sleep. He had almost dosed off when a soft voice brought him back to the land of the woken. It clearly wasn't directed at him, and it was just a whisper, but he caught it in the dead silent that there was in the lair. Unable to help himself, he listened in and knew immediately it was Raphael talking to (y/n) again. He did that when he thought no one could hear him.


	9. She can hear you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments guys. Tell me what I think, tell me what u want, tell me what u don't want!

Raphael sat and watched as Donnie clacked keys at an annoying speed; most of his annoyance at this particular moment was that he had no idea what anything on that scream even meant! He knew one screen had a heart and respiratory monitor and another had a real time scan of her brain or something along that line, but the rest was just beyond him and the technical terms sounded like gibberish.

It was annoying. It was under his scales. It was taking. To. Long!

Even if they couldn't fix (y/n), he still had to apologize for yelling at her. For pushing her too much. Hell, he knew she had issues, would it have killed him to ever ask about them? It nearly killed you...  
Raph groaned and let his chin fall flat on a metal desk in front of himself and looked up at the turtlish version of... well he couldn't even call her his friend even. He thought they were starting to be friends, but training didn't really qualify and outside of that, He didn't really try to be all that friendly.  
_"I could have tried harder... or at all."_ he internally reprimanded himself.  
_"I bet she told Mikey stuff... they're always playing games n laughin n shit. He could get her to smile. Fuck him. Fuck the foot. FUCK SHREDDER FOR DOIN THIS! ........ I almost had a shot."_  
"She woulda looked cute as a turtle." Raph mumbled, causing Donnie to jump and spin in his chair to gawk at him.  
"What?" Donnie nearly choked on his words from shock and being unable to get it out fast enough.

Raph looked from the tank to his brother gripping the arms of his computer chair and grimaced in annoyance at having to repeat himself. He half didn't even want to say it again, but glancing back at (y/n) he knew it wasn't really a lie. Not in his opinion any way.  
" I said she would have been a cute turtle. She'd be safer if she had a shell too." He mumbled again through his teeth, as he hadn't deemed it worthy of the effort it would take to lift his jaw off the table to speak properly.

"You haven't said anything to any of us, not even Splinter, in about a month and this is the first thing out of your mouth!" Donnie went from shocked to a little more than a bit perturbed.  
"No wonder she ran off if all you care about is how she looks!" He stood up quickly, long outs and quick agitation getting him, "is that why you had her training every day!? So she'd look better!?"

Raph snapped straight in his chair and glared at his brother before getting up himself,  
"No! She asked for help trainin! It ain't like she coulda asked you!"

"Why? Cus I'm smarter than you? Cus I can out maneuver you any time?" Donnie shoved his larger brother with one hand, challenging him in every sense.

"Cus your weak AND YOUR ALWAYS IN HERE WID YER FACE IN A SCREEN!" Raph shoved back and nodded towards the glowing monitors.

"MY FAME IN A SCREEN IS SAVING (Y/N)'S LIFE RIGHT NOW YOU UNGRATEFUL IGNORANT ASS!" Seeing Raph wasn't going to respond, he had to look and see what could have stopped the hot head from blowing his fuse.  
"Oh shit."

"Oh shit what egg head!?" Raph snapped, attention flitting between the turtle and the screen.

Donnie cringed a bit, his curiosity satiated in the worst way and hypothesis confirmed,  
"She can hear us... she's conscious Raph."

They both looked at each other in cautious fear before looking back at the monitor and the shifting colors of an active brain.

"You sure Don?"

Donnie nodded curtly and pointed to a blue mass, "This part says she's anxious, which I mean, she has been the whole time and that's pretty reasonable given the circumstances, but look how much more active it is right now. And this," he shifted his finger to a red amorphous blob on the diagram, "Usually it's a lot brighter when your in here, look how dull it is right now..." Donnie smirked a bit. "I suspected she might have been conscious but this almost definitely proves it!"

Raphael was utterly and completely lost. Yeah the scan looked more or less like a brain but he had no idea how to read it. It was just a bunch of colors to him.  
"Almost?"

Donnie looked back at Raph on an unsure way,  
"Well... yeah... there's no saying it isn't a natural subconscious reaction to how loud we were... but the limbic system switched from showing affection to fear."

Raph stood there kind of dumbfounded and kind of amazed.


	10. Splinter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short banter chapter, sry.

Splinter tapped his walking stick against Donatello's metal door as he let himself in. Immediately he noticed the absence of his other son and questioned the other as to his whereabouts, as this had now become an oddity to see him out of the room when there was no patrol or mission to separate him from it. "He stank," Donni paused a bit long as he finished typing his code so he could speak properly to his father, "I told him he couldn't come back in until he had a shower, the stench was distracting me." "Ah," a simple answer, "I appreciate you taking care of him even if it is for your gain as well." Splinter looked through the plaster-glass (safety glass) at the mutated girl he inadvertently adopted and sighed mournfully, "It is a shame and a blessing." Donnie, as usual, didn't understand his father's musings, "Sensei?" "No one truly deserves what has happened to us, it is a shame it should happen to someone already so troubled." "So how is it a blessing then?" "You four..." Splinter gave a sad soft smile to Donatello, "Though some of you get along better than others, I am grateful Michelangelo found her and that she stayed here to befriend you four... you all need a friend that can relate on a more personal level than Miss O'Neal or any other human. Though none of you can truly understand what it is like to be human, she can now understand what it is like to be one of you." Donnie took it all in, and honestly had to agree. He regretted that (y/n) had to go through such an ordeal and pain, but he was at the same time very grateful that she stayed with them and that she could relate with them... and for the cease-fire from Raphael. It had been very odd, but his shoulder's appreciated the lack of punching going on, and he was sure Mikey's head did the same. "She's good for Raphael as well." Splinter added, seemingly reading Donnie's thoughts, "Though they did not like each other at first and often pretend not to, it is very clear now that Raphael has significant feelings..... she quells his anger in a way I have spent his whole life trying to tame. That is a skill not learned or taught." Donnie unknowingly smirked a bit as he glanced at his simi-turtly friend, "Yes Sensei, that is very true. We should really thank her when she wakes up... if I can fix her." Donnie sighed and sat back in his chair sullenly and stared at his computer screens with all their algorithms and failed module attempts at restoring her DNA. "Donatello, would it not be just as well to meet half way?" Donnie looked confused but didn't question it. "What I mean is, what if you could simply ease her pain and allow her to live outside of this ... tank." Donnie winced a bit, "It seems unfair I guess... and filling her with chemical all the time might adversely affect any cure I may find." Splinter simply nodded, "Hm. I see. Well think it over if you will... I think a half life may be more fulfilling for all rather than a half death, but it is up to you _and her._ " Donnie looked at his preserved friend in contemplation as his father left him to stew in thought.


	11. Noodles.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comment on what u want to happen guys!

"I know it's weird, and it's going to take some time to get used to, but how do you feel?"

Scaled toes flexed on the cement floor of Donnie's lab, lost their balance, and then steadied themselves once more.  
"Weird is... one way to put it I guess."

"Is it any better than before?" Donnie kept flicking between checking monitors, wires, and (y/n) physically.

"Well, I'm more turtle than when I passed out...-"  
"Sorry, it was the only way."  
"But yeah, it's not as bad as before. My bones aren't on fire any more but it still feels wrong."  
(Y/n) flexed her arm when Donnie tapped on it so he could check something or another; he'd been doing a lot of it so she was a little less weirded out by it now honestly.

The inspection cleared out and there was nothing left to do but find fitting clothes for her snow even further altered form, which meant raiding the boys' stuff for now. At least until (y/n) or the boys could raid a donation bin.

10-15 minutes of rifling through over sized basketball shorts and questionably used tank tops and all (y/n) had to show for it was a pair of Mikey's shorts -that were still a little too big but damn if she'd wear Leo's clothes, if he'd even let her- and about 10 tank tops that were too revealing for her taste. Even if having a Plastron made it a little irrelevant.

She hadn't heard the boys come in but the yelps behind her made her whip around and yell back in surprise, covering the front of herself with a handful of tank tops in attempt for modesty. The whole lot of them sputtered about for too long before Raph yanked Mikey by the top of his shell out of their room and slammed the door behind them.

After a hectic moment Raphael hollered through the door,  
"The hell r ya doin n our room!?"

"Tryin not ta be naked!" (Y/n) screeched back as she made quick work of the mess she'd made and managed to find a rather destroyed old draw string hoody under the boys' bed and threw it on. It covered the important area at least... even if there was barely any 'arm' left to it; it HAD to be Raph's.

(Y/n) awkwardly walked out of the room and into the main room of the Lair where 3 of the 4 turtles were waiting in multiple stages of confusion and worry. 

"I haven't seen that hoody in years."  
(Y/n) froze for half a second, not knowing how to react to that and then just busted out laughing. How long had she been in a faux coma and she was a little more turtle-y for ware, but the first real comment she got from them was over an AC\DC sweater!

The boys looked more confused than ever and were questioning her sanity at this point as she tried to wave them off and attempted to calm her laughing.

"What's so funny?" Raphael blurted out, leaning over the back of the sofa in preparation to secure her if he had to.

"It's just," (y/n) wheezed as she held her side from the cramp she'd caused herself, " I've been mutated twice, and in a pseudo coma for I don't know how long, PLUS, two of you just walked in on me half naked in your room , and THAT is what you chose to comment on!?" She admitted while trying not to fall into a new fit of chuckles.

"Aw, Cmon Babycakes, you were always a turtle to us!" Mikey chimed in, chuckling with her as Raph whipped a hard stare -not quite a glare- at Mikey for that damned nickname.

"Heh, thanks Mikey-"

Splinter poked his head through the Dojo door just then, ears and eyes alert as to what all the laughter was about after countless days of Solemnness. His ears perks and face lit up when he saw an extra turtle among his sons,  
"(Y/n)! You are awake!"  
He stepped fully out of the dojo followed by Leo who was both miffed at their meditation session being interrupted and curious as to what could be going on right then.

Nervously, the she-turtle in question raised a scaled hand to give a meek wave to the boys' somewhat elusive father.  
"Um, mostly yeah. Hi."  
Sensing the tension and wanting to defuse it before (y/n) had another issue, Splinter proposed they go to Murakami's noodle shop as a celebration.

On the way, Mikey explained how the shop worked so (y/n) wouldn't be confused when she got there,  
"It's actually just called 24/7, but it's this restaurant that operates through a Japanese-inspired process, with customers putting their orders through a token machine and giving Murakami the token with their corresponding order - even though hes blind, hes able to feel the token's engraving and determine what the customer wants!" Mikey explained with far too much hand movement as they all filled behind Splinter through the sewers towards their destination, "It's so good dude, like, he even made us our own special recipe where he put pizza inside wontons! You gotta try it angel face!"

(Y/n) drained of all the excitement Mikey had spilled off on her and hummed a 'yeah' as she ran her few fingers over her face. It all still felt gross like thick caked on mud over her fingers when ever she tried to feel or touch anything. The texture of her own skin wasn't even as pleasing as it had been on the boys when she had felt their skin with her human hands; she wondered if it was just her skin that felt so wrong or if they would feel like that now too.

Raph swatted his little brother's shell as he had been behind them the whole time,  
"Idiot, look wut ya did." He pointed at the woman now lost in her own thoughts as she mournfully examined her hands and the rest of her new body through the clothes she'd borrowed.

Mikey didn't know what he'd said to make her flip switch like that but he looked apologetically at his brother and at a loss for what to do.

Luckily they reached the right manhole and had to climb the ladder and it was enough to snap her out of her focus.

Topside, the boys started chattering away with greetings and introducing their new friend to their favorite noodle chef, and just generally started acting much more like boys than like ninjas with a job.

"It is good to see you smiling, (y/n)." Splinter Wheedled.  
She offered him an impish smile as she fiddled with the holes in Raph's hoody.

"I don't think I've ever actually seen them act so.... normal." She admitted back in the same quite tone as not to draw attention to their conversation.

"Yes," Splinter sighed, "I do often fear I place too much burden on their shoulders, but someone has to do the job and I am not as young as I once was..."

She looked over the boys and truely admired them for a moment before noticing Raphael looking questioningly at them,  
"I think they can handle anything Splinter, how ever, we've been caught." She grinned a bit and nodded towards the turtle in question.

"Hah, it seems we have. We might as well place our orders now that the stampede has quelled!" He chirped brightly as he stored through the fabric flags in front of the shop and chose a token.

(Y/n) followed only steps behind and still managed to get caught by one of the boys before she could order.  
"You were takin to long so I just got ya the most American soundin one." Raph explained as he pushed a bowl to the girl,  
"It's Midnight Dan Dan. More or less a burger with noodles honestly."

(Y/n) looked up at the menu and chuckled as Raph was more or less right!  
long, uncut wheat flour noodles doused in salty beef broth and topped with hot, crumbly ground beef. With plenty of garlic, ginger and chili – the "holy trinity" of Chinese cooking – and speckled with diced cornichons (pickled cucumbers). Save the ginger it really could have probably passed as a burger on some level!

Seeing as her face brightened up from its previous apprehension, Raphael figured he chose right for once and mentally praised himself on doing so.

"This is really good! I've never had this before- wait..." Raph's face and heart fell as he expected the worst to come next,  
"But I didn't pay for this? Did you? How much do I owe-"

Murakami spoke up from his conversation with Splinter and Leo to cut her off before she could worry into a frenzy,  
"Hamato clan eats for free here! Including friends... especially girl friends, those are rare!"  
Both Murakami and Splinter chuckled at the slight jab at the boys and how red every one got as they murmured complaints about being embarrassed and what not.

"Hey (y/n)?"  
"Hm?" She looked at the turtle, her mouth equally as stuffed at his was, and waited patiently for what ever he was taking a little to long to ask.  
"Do ya... uh, do ya actually like AC/DC or was that just tha only shirt ya could find?"

Well that wasn't what she thought he'd ask. She didn't know what she was expecting but that wasn't it.

She looked down at the hole ridden shirt and shrugged,  
"A little... but mostly it was just more modest than any of the other shirts I found." She looked back at him with a bit of worry,  
"Sorry if you were hiding it? You can have it back if you want, I'll find more clothes, I just didn't know what to do then."  
"No! ... no, it looks cool on ya. Ah 'aven't fit that thing 'n years any way."

The rest of the night went on with casual banter among them all until some started getting tired or in Mikey's case, 'too full to move', and Splinter decided they all had aught to leave and let Mr.Murakami get back to his normal customers and bid a polite good by before heralding his crew of lethargic children back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Raph starts getting closer in more obvious ways :)))))


	12. This is new / Starting over

Raphael groaned in annoyance and swatted at the other bunk trying to get Mikey to stop making what ever noise that was. It wasn't until the third swat that caused him to start snoring slightly less obnoxiously than his fake snore that Raph realized it wasn't his little brother trying to annoy him.  
With a groan and a handful of bones popping into place, he hauled himself up out of bed and lumbered around a bit as he tried to shake off the grogginess of sleep and find balance in the dark.  
It didn't take long to figure out what the noises were though; (y/n) was still on the couch and apparently having a hard time trying to find a suitable way to sleep in her new body.  
"Ay." Raph called quietly, sleep hanging on his voice, "Yer gunna wake up the whole city."

A small(ish/er) green head popped up over the back of the couch in a start, even in the dim lights left iron in the night, Raphael could tell she was startled. She mumbled her apology into the overly worn cushion and watched him come around and flip over the back of the couch -loudly- and land next to her she'll first into the creaky cushions.

"W'sup? Can't sleep?"

(Y/n) nodded and sighed in defeat, plopping back on the couch before lolling her head to the side to look at Raph's silhouette,  
"Can't get comfortable or stop thinking..."

"'bout what? Yer ol' life er somethin?" Raph tread carefully; he'd thought quite often that eventually she would want to go back to wherever it was she came from. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't also thought it lucky that she couldn't now. Even if he felt guilty over the thought.

"Not really... being a mutant is still better than my old life was.... questionably better than being a homeless chick living in sewers too." He didn't know how to respond to that, "I just... well for one I can't get comfortable in this skin and it makes trying to sleep on the couch harder to do, and at the smallest instance of 'what the fuck' going on right now, I can't feel things like I used to."

"Wus that supposed ta mean?" Confusion and mounting offense were clear in his voice.

"I mean it literally. When I touch things, they don't feel the same; everything feels like I'm touching it through a muddy glove... it's not only sad, it's annoying."

"Oh..." Raph tumbled the thought around in his mind for a moment, "ya, I guess that'd suck... I wonder if we'd feel more if we were more human like you." He mused, looking at a hand he'd held up in the air to inspect.

"Maybe," (y/n) yawned, "But then you'd get hurt more, right?" Now that she wasn't alone and the idea of being stuck like this wasn't weighing her down, (y/n) was finding it hard to stay awake. It was almost funny how much more at ease she was when one of the boys was around; it just felt safer. Safer than she'd ever felt in her life really.

Raph could feel himself falling back asleep but didn't have the will power to get back in his own bed,  
"Hmm, maybe." By the end of the sentence he was pretty well out, shortly followed by (y/n)  
————

"Awwww, ain't that cuuuute?" Mikey cooed intentionally too loud when he stumbled upon Raph and (y/n) both asleep on the couch and rather compromisingly placed. It wasn't that bad, but at some point during the night Raph had apparently straightened out and (y/n) had made up for the lack of space by just sleeping on top of him belly to belly.

They both groaned at Mikey to go away, then realized why he was teasing and lost all hope of sleep. Popping up wide awake they fumbled over explanations and were struggling to recall how they ended up that way.

"Gross... Not in the Lair guys." Leo commented, completely unamused and more than slightly disgusted, from his doorway as he was entering the common area.

Both (y/n) and Raph glared at Leo as he walked by towards the kitchen but lacked the energy to pursue and argument as they were exhausted from staying up too late.

(Y/n) panicked at all the attention in the wrong place and scrambled off Raph as quickly as she could. Effectively landing her on the floor tangled in a blanket. 3 'are you okay's sounded off instantly -the third being from Donnie as he was passing by to get to the coffee- while a bland sounding 'is she dead?' Resonated from the kitchen.

(Y/n) swatted away the helping hands that were just too many and covered herself with the aforementioned trap-blanket and groaned at them all to 'leave her alone in her cave of shame'. Which at least drew some pity laughter.

About 15 minutes later, the boys had almost finished their breakfast -some eggy experiment of Mikey's that had to be saved by Leo- and (y/n) had more or less fallen back asleep in her blanket cave on the floor when she was startled back to the living by Splinter speaking up directly in front of her.  
"(Y/n)?" She hadn't even heard him come up! "Why are you on the floor?"

(Y/n) jumped at the sound of his voice and flailed trying to free herself of the blanket,  
"Splinter! Oh! Um... I fell..."

The rat chuckled a bit,  
"Well, after my sons have left for patrol, I would like to speak to you in the dojo, hai?"

A little dumbfounded and very apprehensive, (y/n) just nodded 'yes' and watched him head towards the kitchen to alert the boys that it was time to train.


	13. Beginning somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short!

(Y/n) nervously watched as the boys went out for their patrols, she had been attempting to not seem like a nervous wreck the whole afternoon but she was pretty sure they all noticed even though they had the grace to not mention it. Mikey had even offered to stay behind and play games if she wanted him too, but Splinter told him to stay with his brothers and the he would take care of her. They trusted him. She trusted him as much as she could trust any one, even if he was incredibly intimidating when not clearly joking. 

Not 10 minutes after they left and the breakfast dishes were done, he called her into the dojo and asked her to sit i front of him (offering that she didn't have to sit on her legs like the boys as she wasn't used to it),  
"You have nothing to fear (Y/n). I simply wish to help you defend yourself."

(Y/n)'s face scrunched slightly in confusion at this,  
"I can defend myself.... I got captured because there were several guns pointed at me, but usually I'm ok. Better even since Raph was helping me."

Splinter nodded, as it was true his son had helped but he knew that the dangers she now faced were greater than what she was accustomed to.

"Yes that is true, but I am the one who trained Raphael. It would only make sense for me to pass my wisdom directly to you, would it not?"

She looked uncomfortable and He knew of several reasons as to why that may have been, but he persisted,  
"Raphael has praised you for your strides as a human learning how a turtle fights, but I wonder if you can sustain your skill now that you are in a new body." He watched her face shift several times through emotions: offense, denial, agreeance, and shame.

"(Y/n), while I agreed to let you live with us, I am also aware of how unhealthy it is to stay down here. Eventually you will want to leave -even if for a moment- and then you will be at the mercy of the world around you."

She knew e was right, she wanted to reject the idea, hide for ever, be insulted even, but she knew he was right.

"I don't like asking for help..." she mumbled, focusing her view on the bamboo panels below her, "Even if I know I need it. You all have helped me more than any one ever has and I don't know how to repay it." Small tears formed in the corner of her eyes though she refused to let them fall,  
"I don't know what to do to make it up to any one for helping me."

"Train."

(Y/n) looked up at Splinter with her head still bowed in shame, she didn't understand.

"You making the effort to learn is no burden on us. Raphael has already enjoyed teaching you what he has, and you being able to defend yourself will not only lift burden from my sons worry for you but also pff yourself."

(Y/n) nodded. What did she have to loose?

"First," Splinter continued, "I suggest we practice meditation before weaponry, as I am aware you have many issues that need resolving before we can hope to advance."

While being insulted at the notion, curiosity also overran it. And shame, but she had long since become accustomed to being ashamed of many things about herself.

"While I have noticed myself, Donatello has informed me of a chemical imbalance in your brain he noticed while he took care of you."

Heat rose to your face and it took all the self control you had to not slink down or run away.

"I suggest you speak to him about it. The. We will see about what we can do about your training." He watched her both sigh in relief and dread. He vaguely understood how daunting it was thanks to Donnie's explanation of the depression and anxieties mixing around inside of her -as well as the assumed affection he had noticed, though that would wait for now- and was grateful that it seemed to be more easily controlled than his own son's attitude issues.

"For now, you are free to go until my son's return, then I must request you speak to Donatello about medication before doing anything else. Agreed?"

"Agreed."


	14. Appreciate what you've got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://www.wingchunlife.com/arm-break.html
> 
> Please forgive the google translate if it's incorrect!

Mikey all but tackled (y/n) when he heard. Donnie had been the first to know since Splinter asked him to go ahead with finding a correct combination of chemicals that would help, but quickly the others were informed of Master Splinter's intentions.  
Not everyone was thrilled. Leo was still very against all of this, even though he did give in and agree it was the best corse of action given the circumstances. No one really understood why Leo even had a problem with her, after all, the heir to the foot clan had been a completely different story to him as Raph had put it. (Y/n) had no real idea who Karai was other than hearsay.

More often than not, every one went along peacefully and ignored what they didn't agree with. Mostly.

After months of experiments with Donnie on trying to return to normal, several attempts at medication, training with both Master Splinter and Raph, beating several of Mikey's high scores, and dealing with aversion and side glancing glares, (y/n) had finally had enough and lost any hope of self control.

One person can only take so much.

(Y/n) had started out her whole day awful: she woke up with a spring from the couch pierced into her side through her hoody, to which she was tasked -by guess who in blue- to go single handedly find a replacement and bring it back. Which took literally all day. The mutation had granted some strength but not nearly as much as the boys had; she assumed Raphael could probably hoist this thing over his head if he wanted to, while she was just dragging it and getting caught in the joints between cement and cracks everywhere, making the whole ordeal just that much harder.

The actual snapping point was when she heard the boys trudging in and all of them looked worn out and tired of the rant Leo was currently having about team work.

"Fuck you Leo-nerdo."

That's how it started. All 4 of the boys looked at you as if you'd sprouted another head right in front of them.

"Excuse me!?"

(Y/n) scoffed,  
"Not a very good ninja if you didn't catch that."

Mikey and Donnie snickered a bit and glanced at each other just before Mikey spoke up,  
"Damn bro, 2 burns in a row." 

"Shut up Mikey!"

(Y/n) threw the leg of the old couch at Leo -who to no surprise caught it- and snarled at him,  
"Stop telling him to shut up!"

Leo dropped the dingy old piece of wood and stood more erect than normal, making his chest swell a bit in a failed attempt at intimidation,  
"I'm the leader here, that what I say goes and-"

"And no the fuck it doesn't! That's called a dictator, jack ass, and I'm so SICK of you starting fights with Raph over the smallest shit, bullying Mikey, disregarding Donnie, your a horrible fucking leader and an even worse brother!"

The brothers didn't even finish their "oh shit" before Leo lost patients and bolted over to (y/n) quick as lightning and pinned her to the couch she had just finished dragging in.

"What the hell do you know about it!?" His hand was around her throat as he pressed her into it,  
"At least I try! What the hell do you do!?"

(Y/n) started to tear up, memories of her father stirred and whipped around in her mind due to the current scenario, but the training with Splinter and the medication helped her to shove them down for now. Those were her memories and her problems and no one was going to bring them back!

She swung hard and got Leo right next to his left eye. He just simply wasn't expecting her to fight back: not that the outburst was normal but he had never seen her violent before. Sure she trained with Splinter now, but she had never gotten to the actual physical training until recently. He stumbled slightly, loosening his grip as he regained his bearings.

Feeling the slight release, she took her opportunity and twisted the arm he had towards her till it was caught right between the two of hers and was ready to snap it. She didn't know if she could or not, but she was in a slight panic and trying very hard not to remember anything and lose control.

"What's the matter carbon copy?" She snarled, venom dripping from every syllable.

"What is the meaning of this!?" Splinter all but shouted, causing everyone left in the room to snap their attention to him and Donnie who had sprinted off to get him once he realized there was an actual fight about to happen.

The seething look in his eyes and down turned mouth caused fear in everyone.

"I have had enough of this. Min'na, to the dojo. We are settling this now!"

(Y/n) released Leo's arm who yanked it away at nearly the same time and headed towards the sliding doors. She shared a worried look with Mikey and Raph as they funneled in. They all more or less expected punishment.

When they all sat informer of Splinter he walked off to the small room behind the dojo and returned just as quickly with 2 wooden swords.

"I haven't seen those in forever." Leo thought out loud in a murmur.

(Y/n) took note of the dents in the wood and shifted back ever so slightly. The amount of force it probably took to do that wasn't something she cared to think about when she was already intimidated.

"Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo, come. Sit beside me."

Hesitantly, they all obeyed. Leaving you feeling even more vulnerable.

Splinter sat cross legged and tossed the old practice swords to each you and Leo. The clatter on the floor causing you to startle a bit and Leo to suck his teeth at the jump. He grabbed the sword closest to him by the hilt and placed it across his lap.

"You two wish to fight, so fight. Speaking to each of you has done nothing to quell the tension between you two so go ahead." He gestured to the sword you had yet to grab and Leo just nodded and got into a fighting stance.

You immediately felt at a disadvantage and even less confident with how scared the boys still looked.

Regardless, you took note of Leo's stance and mirrored it: having never held a sword before and figuring he would have taken the proper stance out of pure habit.

"Aren't you 'lucky' Leo?" He scowled at your faux confidence and just how much sarcasm was dripping off your words, "Daddy gave you the advantage he always does. Swords [i]are[/i] your weapon of choice right?"

You scowled back at him and Splinter called the start of the match. Leo sprang forward and, contrary to his usual form, tried to attack you head on. A clear statement that you weren't worth a strategy to him.

"(Y/n) you don't know anything!"

You had managed to block his sword with your own just in time,  
"I know what I see, and what I see," you managed to shove him back, "is a golden child!"

Raphael's 'no kidding' huff only egged on her point and made her more confident in her thought,  
"Mikey has pure talent," Leo had to block, "Donnie is smarter than any one," block, "Raph is stronger than you." Perry, "what about you Leo? What do you add to the team other than being a jerk and bullying your brothers?"

"It's not bullying!" He swung too wide, "I was chosen to lead them!"

"It's bullying when you don't take them into consideration!" You got jabbed hard in the rib, "RRKK! You don't listen, all you do is tell people how awful they are."

Leo got hit in the back of his shell,  
"That's not true!"

"When was the last time you thanked Donnie for fixing your shitty movies?" Silence, block, perry, swing, "When was the last time you defended Mikey or laughed at his jokes?" Arm bruised from Leo's swing, "When was the last time you let Raph be Raph? Raph and Mikey have games and comics, Donnie has his science, what's special about you Leo?" A kick to the back of his knee had him off balance and a hard swing to his shell had him on his knees, "what do you do that isn't what you were told to do?"

Leo let himself fall forward and away from his family as a sob released from him. He clearly wasn't as physically hurt, but (y/n) had broken him and hit some insecurities. 

"Jeez." Raph breathed.  
(Y/n) looked back at a disappointed Splinter and some pitiful and socked brothers. She turned back to the shaking but silent Leo and nudged his shoulder with her toes only for him to jerk away from her.

"Appreciate how amazing your family is Leo. At least you fucking have one."

With a sniff, she thrusters down her dummy sword and stormed out of the dojo and out of the lair.

Clearly she couldn't go top side, but she wanted to break down and not have people see her do it and the maze of tunnels seemed pretty perfect right now.


	15. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking how @Shelshokd said they wanted more background for the reader, and unfortunately I don't know every ones life so this is what I've got
> 
> Also a big thank you to Kaoticdrew for subbing in as our resident Leo since I've never written for him before  
> She has a tmnt blog under tottalytubulargirl on tumblr! Go look!

(Y/n) sat shaking in a dead end tunnel against a grate. She'd cried herself out a bit ago, but she wasn't done hurting and she knew it was probably about time to take her meds too. She takes her nails across her scaled scalp and whined pitifully.

"Did that make you feel better." It was hardly a question. It was a point.

(Y/n) coiled into herself more to hide from Splinter, even though she knew she couldn't.

"Yes."

"It does not seem so." 

(Y/n) whipped her head up and towards her stand-in dad and stared hard just short of glaring.

"I'm not crying about that. Leo is a jerk who needs to be knocked down a peg! He's always holding it over everyone that you love him more and it hurts them! It's so clear and they don't do anything about it! ...... it's like high school all over again really. My friends are always picked on and no one defends them, and when I do I get in trouble for it."

Splinter sighed and sat across her,  
"It is noble to defend people who are important to you, but the weaponry you used today was not."

She looked confused at her teacher,  
"You gave it to me though?"

He chuckled a bit, unable to help himself, "No no, I mean your words."

"Oh."

Spindly fingers reached forward and tipped (y/n)'s head up to look Splinter in the eye,  
"Do not underestimate the power words have on another. I will speak to Leo about his treatment of his brothers -and you-, but the way this was handled was ... hm, incorrect to put it simply. I cannot tell you what to do, or to never use what you have to your advantage -it may serve you well in a real fight,- but among allies it is only harmful. Friends and family should never speak that way to each other. I may have let my sons go to far or let it go too often, but every one makes mistakes. It is up to us to fix them (y/n)."

"Now, why is it that you are crying out here if not for what just occurred in the Lair?"

New tears welled in (e/c) eyes and (y/n) receded back into herself.

"I cannot help you if you do not let me."

"I don't need help, I just need to forget." You whined with a broken voice.

"Is it your family? You have yet to speak of them to us."

"Cus I don't have one! They don't want me and I don't want them! I'm sick of being hurt, it's better to just forget them!" (Y/n) sobbed into her sleeves. How was she supposed to explain the past abuse and have it be justified when she still missed them? Mostly she missed her sibling(s), but they were safe and she was better off gone. Simple as that.

With a sigh, Splinter rose to his feet and started away,  
"Tell me when you are ready, but I wish you to make amends with Leonardo before sunset at least. There is much unrest tonight."

_____________________

Returning to the lair was, well, odd. She didn't really want to go back in, but, but she didn't want to be any where else either. Upon passing the tolls and entering the actual living space, it was clear everyone was in their rooms. Which was both a relief and sort of awkward.

The longer she stood there the more wigged out she was feeling. That pretty much was the defining factor that lead her to Donnie's lab first.

Being as quite as possible, she slipped n the room and pressed back against the door to make sure it closed quietly. The first thing she was wasn't what she was expecting; Mikey.  
Mikey and Donnie both sat in the lab and had been speaking softly until they noticed you come in.

Your face felt increasingly hot as they gawked for a moment to long.

"Your face is bruised." Donnie mentioned, awkwardly breaking the ice.

You snorted and ghosted your fingers over the slightly swollen area,  
"Yeah, it's okay though." She smirked momentarily before returning to the worried look she'd had before, "Are you guys okay?"

Mikey snorted, throwing up his usual persona, "Pfff, yea dudette!" He patted the metal work table he was plopped on as a gesture to come in more, "No one stands up for the B Team. It was awesome!"

(Y/n) sat next to her bff but looked partially offended,  
"Uh, 'B Team'?" She questioned in a huge amount of exasperation.

"Yeah, it's something Raph made up a long time ago..." Donnie answered, fiddling with a pen, not really looking at anything in particular.

(Y/n) soured and glanced in the direction of his room,  
"Yeah, I'll talk to him about that; that's not cool."

"Do you like him?" Mikey sort of just blurted it out, causing the others to gawk at him,  
"I mean, Don said he saw some stuff on yer brain-do-hick-a-ma-jigs, so like, do ya?"

"Mikey!"

(Y/n) kind of just looked confused while Donnie panicked and Mikey tried to defend his curiosity.

"Uh, I like all you guys."

"Nah bruh, I mean LIKE him." He nudged your sore ribs, making you jerk hard.

"We hear you guys talking all night every once in a while, and he's the only one you train with other than Splinter, so it makes makes sense to assume? And with the scan data from your time in the tank it seems pretty conclusive." Donnie added in their defense.

(Y/n) mulled it over for a while, ignoring the boys' intrusively curious stares before shrugging uncertainly, offering only an apologetic face.  
"I don't know? He's nice to me... makes me feel safe... but the same goes for you two, so I don't really know." She sighed and the boys both glanced a deflated though non-believing glance, "I appreciate him talking to me when I can't sleep... it helps... and that he offered to train me before Splinter did, and a couple other things but you guys do things for me too and I don't know? Like, I just don't?"

She looked pathetically at Donnie for answers, "How am I supposed to tell? I appreciate all of you for different things and taking care of me and taking me in and so much...."

Donnie rubbed the back of his neck; it wasn't the answer he was expecting, nor did he have an answer for her in return.  
"I don't know (y/n)."

"If you HAD to pick?" Mikey offered, only to get a long pause.

"Maybe? I guess so?" She shrugged right as Splinter opened the door.

He made direct eye contact with (y/n) and cleared his throat. She deflated but hopped off the counter any way and went with him to -presumably- be taken to Leo and have to apologize to him.

 

(Y/n) dreaded what was sure to be the most awkward moment -or at least a real fair contender- of her life and tried to mentally rehears some kind of cohesive half assed 'in sorry but not really Cus your a jerk' that wouldn't end in her being kicked out.

She noticed Raph peeking out of his room and inadvertently flashed him the most pathetic looking 'please save me' look ever. He just looked down, knowing there was nothing he can do at the moment and receded back into his room.

Splinter stepped into the training part of the dojo and they were met with Leo who faced away from them and his hands laced behind his shell. Even (y/n) could see he was trying to control himself and not tremble.

"Leonardo," Splinter called out to him, "you will go first."

Leo spun around a bit too quickly at that, "But I-"

"No. You are the leader, lead by a better example than you have been."

Leo sighed and lingered a hard stare at (y/n) before it broke to a relent.  
"I know I'm overbearing" he sighed again, shifting his weight from one foot to another, "and I'm too hard on everyone but I'm just trying to do what's right." He flailed his arms a bit to his side as he tried to justify his point of view, "And sometimes I get distracted with trying to save everyone that I forget to appreciate my family."

(Y/n) avoided eye contact as she spoke,  
"I guessed as much. I know being the oldest is really hard, especially when your trying to protect your younger siblings," a short pained laugh escaped her. She bit her lip to keep her in the present, "But trust me, it can backfire. Loosing them is just as painful if you drive them away as it would be if they died... gone is gone."

Leo looked confused before understanding. His chest clenched at the thought and now understanding a little more why she felt so defensive about the whole thing. His biggest fear was failing his family and loosing them, he couldn't properly imagine how it would feel to be left alone after the fact.

He chucked a bit, trying to defuse the situation, "I won't.... by the way, where did you learn to use a sword? I didn't think Sensei had had weapons lessons with you yet?"

(Y/n) colored profusely and pulled her hood over her face before even answering so she wouldn't have to see the mocking look that usually came with such an answer,  
"... Anime."


	16. It's a date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly dialog. Just chillin n Raph's room :)

(Y/n) snuck into Raphael's room after she and Leo had sufficiently apologized and talked it over with Splinter. She needed to wind down after that and it was so incredibly late now that Mikey and Donnie were already occupied and asleep.

In the dim light the heat lamp gave off, she wasn't quite sure if Raph was still awake or not since he hadn't moved from his spot on the bed.

"Are ya gunna keep standin there or are ya gunna come chill over here?"

Well that answered that.

(Y/n) grinned a bit, "wasn't sure if you were awake or not, but the lack of chain saw effects should have tipped me off to be honest."  
She jeered as she flopped on top of him, her sweater blunting the 'clack' their plastrons made upon impact and knocked the wind out of him as she landed across his belly.

She chuckled a bit, careful not to be heard past the door as Raph mock glared at her from up on his elbows.

"Well ain't you gettin comfortable."

(Y/n) frowned at him and then let out a small gasp as she remembered her talk with Mikey and Donnie earlier,  
"Mikey and Donnie know we hang out."

Raph, while he did groan and flip back onto his bed again, didn't react as badly as she thought he would. Pensively she watched him to see what kind of reaction he'd have to the news.

"They're never gunna let it go." He groaned, almost growled. He'd taken up rubbing his face and grumbling something or another about how annoying they could be.

Shifting off of him and flopping onto her back beside him, she nudged his side,  
"They aren't that bad, your just touchy."

She smirked at his scowl and poke his cheek,  
"Is it so bad that you talk to me?" 

He could tell she had a mask up, he could hear the rejection in her voice.  
"Nah, but Mikey dunno when at quit."

"Oh!" She swatted his arm somewhat aggressively, causing him to jump in confusion, "The fuck is this I hear about a 'B Team'!?"

Raph shifted away from her swatting and shoved her back by her face,  
"Dude calm the hell down. I said that years ago."  
She just deadpanned at him, from what she could see through the spaces between his fingers. She accepted the answer though: if he wasn't currently using it, she couldn't really yell at him for it.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while before Raph spoke up again having looked at his shellphone briefly.

"It's Saturday tomorrow."  
"So?"  
"April n Casey are probably gunna come down since their testin n shits done with. I think they got a break comin up too."

(Y/n) groaned and put the nearest pillow over her face.

"(Y/n), ya really should meet'um. They're used ya turtles ya know."

Raph deadpanned at the pillow that had been thrown into his face, swiping it off and into a corner.  
"Yeah that'll change mah mind. Seriously though, wuts yer problem widum?"

"Nothin?" (Y/n) shrugged but Raph clearly wasn't buying it.  
"I don't like people in general I guess. They're more trouble than they're worth usually." She sighed. "...... that and I don't like people lookin at me."

He didn't quite get it since she was a human before this, but he did understand being a freak and not wanting people to see that.  
"I get that I guess... we could just 'coincidentally' be gone when they got 'ere. I know some other mutants if you wanna go hang with them?"

Internally cringing at the thought, she really didn't see a difference. She didn't like her body and she certainly didn't now that she was mutated; if it had made her any skinnier she might not mind it at all with how much Donnie had helped her feel normal now, but she wasn't normal and she didn't want to see people.

"No thanks." She mumbled, refusing to look him in the eye, "I don't see a difference, I'll just find something to do." She got up and started heading for the door, "Besides, you shouldn't have to always hang out with me, you should spend time with someone else for a while."

Raph jumped upright when she got up and scrambled out of bead when she started to leave,  
"No!" He grabbed her wrist, "No wait, cmon, we dun havta see no one. I like hangin out with yous."

She offered a small sheepish smile and he let her go. It wasn't really an answer but he figured she'd come with him in the morning any how.

"Hey (y/n)?"  
She turned back to him in his doorway.  
"Sorry about earlier... you and Leo- and we- I didn't know what to do. And then I couldn't help with Splinter- and I-"

"Raph calm down." (Y/n) looked more amused than anything else, or at least anything he could place,  
"It wasn't your fight, you didn't need to save me."  
"But-"  
"No butts, I don't [i]always[/i] need a hero." 

She grinned, he blushed, and then she left him to himself in the dimly lit room.


	17. Float.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever... I suck at fluff and avoided it a lot

Raphael shook the girl on the couch, attempting to wake her before any one got up. She wasn't budging and ended up snoring louder once moved; he had to assume this couch <i>had</i>to be more comfortable than the old one.

 

Thinking over his options, he shrugged and went for the most amusing. He sat on the back of the new couch, making it creek under his weight, and flopped backwards. Effectively landing on (y/n)'s back and knocking the wind out of her and making it impossible for her to yell in her surprise.  
She flailed and tried to get the brute off her but he only mocked and pretended to be asleep himself at one point before her foot connected with his cheek and he fell less than gracefully from atop her.

She gave him the most 'what the fuck' look as she filled her lungs back to full campacity, to which she only got a smirk back.

"Now that yer up Princess, lesgo." Raph leaned back and volted up onto his feet in one swift movement.

(Y/n) had to sit and stare at him leaving for a moment to fully register what was going on:  
1\. just got flattened by a giant turtle-man.  
2\. Presumably about to go do something with said turtle.  
3\. Very cute turtle just called you princess.  
After clearing it up mentally that he had actually said that and then dismissing it as it just being how he talks, and then leaping up to your feet at remembering you tel were hanging out tonight because April and Casey were on their way over, you bounded across the room to catch up.

 

Rubbing her eyes and grimacing at what ever was now stuck to her foot, she wondered 2 things: where was Raph taking her, and how hard would it be to make a pair of mutant turtle sized shoes?

"Stop tryna scrape it off." Raph commented with out even looking back to see she was doing it again, "You'll get used ta walkin down here eventually."

"Where are we even goin?" She groaned back, still scraping her toes on the cobble stone as they walked, which was only slightly less effective than stopping to do it.  
"And why the backpack? You never wear a backpack."

He smirked over his shell briefly to see if you were still close enough,  
"So ya finally noticed didja?"  
You deadpanned and caused him to chuckle,  
"You'll see, it's no big deal"  
With that he sprinted off, leaving you to attempt to keep up with him as he weaved through the tunnels and turned corners too tight until you completely lost him.

"Raph!?" The echoes in the tunnels did nothing to lessen your fear of being lost again,  
"Raphael this isn't funny!" You didn't used to fear being lost, but after the last time and how that ended up, you didn't want to be out alone any more.

Panicked and jolting from bend to bend in the tunnels, Raph grabbing you and pulling you into a dead end did more than scare you; screaming in pure fear you elbowed him hard enough in his gut to take his breath.  
Even so, he couldn't stop laughing at your reaction, or at least until he saw how upset it had actually made you.  
"Aw shit...." you both awkwardly looked away from each other for a while,  
"Sorry... thought it'd be funny, ya know?"

You didn't say anything but nodded. Before everything, it might have been, you had to give him that. It just terrified you that he might have left you alone and lost down here and it sucked the fun out of it.

"Here," he pulled out some long clothes -coats?- from the backpack and handed one over with a matching rimmed hat, "cover up enough an' we can get upta tha surface no prob. Then it's a couple block walk. Give er take."

(Y/n) donned her jacket and hat, buttoning up as best she could. Looking at Raph who had finished quicker than her, she noted the it really was nearly impossible to see anything telling about him other than his shell made it look like he hunched his shoulders and had to assume she looked the same.

 

The simple disguise worked weirdly well, but (y/n) wasn't about to complain about something going well for once. She walked next to him down the side walks as the lamps hardly did their job until they were walking down streets with no lamps at all.

"Raph?"

"Dun worry, yet safe wid me."

(Y/n) rolled her eyes,  
"Not worried about that, bone head. I just don't know where we are?"

Raph gave her an accusatory glance,  
"When do ya ever know where ya are?" She dead panned at that,  
"We're goin ta Croton Point Park."  
(If you wanna see the park: https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g47560-d3313637-Reviews-Croton_Point_Park-Croton_on_Hudson_New_York.html )

Her momentary excitement faded as reality dawned on her,  
"But it's already dark... we won't be able to see anything."

"Sorta, but one," Raph hopped a fence effortlessly, since the whole place was closed a while ago, "not really why we're here, an two, I brought flashlights any way." He landed with a small huff and waited expectantly on (y/n).

Sighing and not entirely sure she could climb the thing, she gave it her best shot, which ultimately ended up with her falling over the top and Raph catching her,  
"Clearly yer stealth work needs, well, work!" He teased.

After the fear of falling faded, a new fear overwhelmed it: Raphael was holding you and you had never been skinny and this was bad. You struggled to free yourself but Raph just held on tighter, not really understanding what you were trying to do.

"Whoa, wuts wrong?"

"Put me down!" A breathy, panicked, squeak.

Raph, thinking it might be a fear of heights, laughed it off and just held you up higher, almost over his head.

"RaphAEL! I'm tOO HEAvy for THIS! Your gunna drop me!"

Raph looked half offended, but mostly confused,  
"Yet jokin right? Dude ya dun even weigh as much as Mikey, and I can toss him across the room!"

(Y/n) looked so panicked and pathetic that Raph just let her down with out a fight and cringed when the first thing she did when her feet hit the ground was back away from him. She went as far as the fence and then just tried to make herself smaller, he could see it.  
He completely understood body image issues, but this was pretty dramatic to him. And he caused it- Sort of.

Raph sighed and glanced around, unsure if he could fix the issue easily,  
"Look, ahm sorry. Ah didn' mean t'set ya off er nothin. Ah thought we were playin, yknow?"

For a while nothing changed, nothing moved, but a glance up at him gave him enough relief to let go of the breath he didn't know he was holding.  
"Cmon, we might be seen here, an' the fence ain't really wut ah wanted t'show ya anyway."

Raph grinned a bit and held his hand out slightly as an offering. (Y/n) hesitantly took it and offered back probably the weakest smile he'd ever seen.

Weak or not, she let him lead her around the park and she started to relax a bit. She had finally gotten back into her more relaxed groove of things, banter and teasing and pushing each other around just hard enough to knock the other off balance, when she stopped and stared. It took Raph a moment to notice she wasn't at his side any more and whipped around in a second of frenzy,

"Oh." He mumbled, looking at what had captured her curiosity.

It just just a single metal beam, slightly ruffed up on one end, but other wise no different than any of them piece of construction save its cement pedestal.

(Y/n) glanced rather slowly back at Raph, silently asking what it was doing there.

"It's a piece of one a them buildins that fell some years back. Yknow, them important ones?"

(Y/n) looked back at the beam in confusion. It didn't make sense to be in a park to get. Yeah she remembered seeing the event on the news as a child, even got to go home early for it, but at the time she hadn't been any where near it and it hadn't mattered to someone her age. But then she realized something else: the boys were.

"Was it scary? You guys must have been really young then too right?"

"Sorta. We were young but we also didn't know what was going on." He'd walked up next to her now and looked at the piece of metal with her, not Cus he really cared about it specifically, but it would have been awkward to do anything else,  
"The ground shook- or our ceilin rather- an people were yellin, but nothin really happened to us. We didn' know till a few days later since all we had at the time was a busted radio."

With a sigh, he grabbed her arm and started walking towards the river,  
"This's depressin. Lesgo do what ah brought ya here ya do."

Following -and mostly tripping- behind him, he lead you down the rest of the path to the river where the ground started turning silty.  
"The river?"  
"Yeah, ya said ya liked the rain, so ah figure swimmin ain't much different than runnin in the rain. An 'sides, it's fun."

Wether you could swim or not before was a little irrelevant since you had a whole new body that you didn't know how to swim with.  
"But... I don't have a suit?"  
"Ya got a shell though."  
"Yeah, I like my clothes... besides, I don't even know if I can swim like this?"  
"Babe, yer a TURTLE! Of course you can swim. Hell, it's probably easier for ya than it is get me since ur still warm blooded n shit."  
".... how the hell?"

Raph tried his hardest not to snicker at the absolutely dumbfounded face you were making and just started stripping his gear off,  
"Donnie does a lot in his lab, he checked out a lotta stuff about ya in there."

He has waded about waist deep when he looked back, just in time to see you take a step in the frigid water and leap in shock and sputter about.

"Babe, it's still New York, wut were ya expectin? A hot tub?"

(Y/n) scowled at him, very tempted to jump in just to splash him, but with the way he just moseyed on in with out a second thought, she assumed he was too used to it for him to be bothered and mistress just sat at the edge with her feet in and worked on edging into the water inch by freezing inch.

"Raph, how the hell are you not freezing!?"

"Sh-shhhh!" He flung his finger up in front of his mouth in a panic,  
"Keep ya voice down, this place is still closed ya know.... don't need any one given us shit get bein caught out 'ere." He mumbled the last bit mostly to himself but just loud enough for you to catch it.  
He was right though.

They sat and chatted about nothing and everything for a while; tv, comics, things Splinter had told them, Mikey's latest prank ideas (Cus they needed to stay ahead of the game of course), things that bothered them and things they liked. (Y/n) watched him just idle along in the water despite the current, he looked so relaxed and comfortable even though all she could see above the murky water was his shell and his face from the nose up most of the time.

"You make that look so easy."

"Make what look so easy?"

She gestured to him in general, be it a bit wildly, "Just... that? The floating I guess?"

Raph shrugged and got to his feet -reminding her a bit of Godzilla coming out of the water like that- and motioned for her to come in.

"But my clothes will get wet..."

"You could take them off or y'could leave me on... that's really yer only options here kid." He kept his arms outreached for you but the too-smug grin wiped away pleasing affect it had. You knew he assumed you would have and strip for him, which is where you added his teenaged mind was. But nope, you sucked it up and got in the cold water with your clothes on. Save the disguise gear that you both had previously packed away.

Raph busted out laughing; (y/n)'a shorts had filled with air as she waded and her swear became more and more useless the more water it absorbed. Frankly, it was one of the more ridiculous things he'd ever seen. In real life at least.  
She huffed and crossed soggy arms in front of herself and waited for him to be done. After a moment of Raph just dying, she flattened out her shorts -in a harshly unflattering way- and took to splashing him nonstop. She ignored his cries of drowning.

When she was done they were both drenched and amused to have alleviated the awkward tension that sometimes crept its way between them.

"C'mon Mr.Turtle, teach me how to float like that."

Raph snorted but admittedly became embarrassed by the comment, "Mr. Turtle?"

"What? Would you prefer 'Sir Terrapin'?"

"Ah hah hah ha." He mocked before more or less just shoving her backwards into the murkiness. She sputtered as she came back up and glared at him but he spoke before she could yell at him,  
"Yer not even gunna try t'float? Thought das why you were in 'ere."

"Some warning would have been nice!?" Her voice cracked as the Ivey was of the water ate at her, she tried to fling some of it off but her sweater was soaked and heavy and she knew he was right about it.

"T... Turn around for a minute..." she mumbled, finally giving up and going to remove the sopping clothes.

Raphael started to protest but the glower he got in response was enough to have him turn on his heel with out question.

He heard the damp thud of clothes hitting the shore twice but stayed with his back to (y/n) until she came in front of him of her own accord. He had to laugh at her though; she was submerged literally up to her eyes. Which by the way we're just brimming with a very 'shut the fuck up' look.

Once he settled himself, Raph lowered himself into the water with her and had her follow him into the river a bit further before he stopped to tread.  
"Aight, c'mere."

Though clearly apprehensive, (y/n) did as he said and swam up to him and tread water along side him. She was notably less graceful in the water than he was but he chalked it up to practice and skill that she likely would never catch up on, and he honestly was great fun for it. It might seem weird to some, and he'd never admit it, but he appreciated just how normal she stayed in comparison to he and his brothers. A grin pulled at the corner of his lips at the thought but he pushed it aside for the current matter at hand. Or rather in arms length.  
(Y/n) took it, still worried he might drunk her under water again, but Raph just posed her as he wanted with out much issue.  
"It ain't hard kid, just relax a lil."  
He chuckled a bit and squeezed her tensed shoulders for emphasis. She always seemed a little tense, but he knew she didn't fully trust him right now and it was sort of his own fault this time but he also knew she'd never float if she was like this.

(Y/n) hummed in mild annoyance at being told this again, as her mouth was still below the surface, but tried her best to relax her body. Raph's hands on her belly and 'shell' did little to ease her nervousness, though she was still grateful for his assistance.

"Babe yer a natural!" Raph chuckled at how turtle like she looked with just her back and head visible above the inkyness of the river.

He could see her jolt to attention, he chuckled at it and she sputtered at being caught.

"Ha! The shell was that?"  
"N-nothin! Stop laughin!" She tried to hide her embarrassment but there was nothing she could do about it in the open water. She couldn't really touch the ground, let alone hide her face.

"Aw, but yer so cute when yer embarrassed!" Raph teased.

But that was the last straw she could handle in this situation; she wanted to just run away and hide for ever. Teasing was one thing, and usually enjoyable, but not when he said things like that. It just brought thoughts of inadequacy to the forefront of her thoughts and caused a weight in her chest that almost mimicked a panic attack.

With a look of pain she made it back over to the shore and started collecting her wet clothes while trying desperately not to think of herself as being naked.

"H-hey wait! Where're u goin!?" Raph flailed a little as he tried [which wasn't to hard honestly] to catch her before she ran off.

He grabbed her wrist to keep her from darting away, and succeeded, but it didn't feel like a win when she was struggling to get free.  
It ended with her plopping down into the gritty sand and burying her face in her knees.

"....Are ye seriously pouting?"  
When she didn't answer he sat down in front of her and cautiously let her wrist free,  
"What happened?"

 

"I wish u wouldn't say that. It's not true.... and ur just saying it Cus there's no girl turtles." (Y/n) wrapped her arms tight around her legs and faced away from him, not wanting to see rejection or affirmation, "U didn't like me before so y would u like me now that I'm mutated and gross?"

He held her whole head in both of his hands, he only meant to hold her cheeks but he was still just so much bigger than she was, but he still rubbed his thumb over the swell of her cheek and adored it. Under the scales and under the thickened skin, there was still chub and he honestly loved it. It felt a huge contrast to his own features where there was nothing it tauntness: bone and muscle and scale. He was built, for a purpose...  
he was built and manufactured by his father for a purpose, but she was made. She could do or be anything and make something of herself.

"For 5 minutes, can we just pretend everything is ok? Just 5. Pretend you don't need meds, pretend the voice in ur head isn't bullying u, pretend no ones opinions other than yours and mine matter."

(Y/n) looked down away from his eyes, not wanting to feel his gaze, "But it _is_ my opinion-"

"No." He gripped her a little tighter, making her look at him, "It's not. It's what ppl have told u u should think ur whole life."

She teared up but didn't say anything. The silence stretched out a second too long and caused the hair to itch around Raph,  
"If ya still want clothes... I knew you'd get yers wet, so I brought extras..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R U READY TO RESUME DRAMA!? CUS HERE WE GO MOTHERFUCKERS! LETS GET BACK ON THE PLOT NEXT CHAPTER!


	18. WIP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry this took so long and still isn’t finished but life got busy :(  
> It’s still busy and I’ve lost steam, but eventually I’ll get back to this.... writing smut makes me rly uncomfortable so it always takes me way too long :(((

(Y/n) choked out a laugh and whipped away tears before they could fully form.  
"You are... the softest rough guy I've ever met." She started making a noise that Raph wasn't sure if it was laughing or crying but he chuckled either way; she was trying not to smile, he knew it, but he loved when she did it naturally.

"Ya?" He put a hand behind her head to keep them steady and put his forehead on hers,  
"How long did it take ya ta settle on _that_ brilliant observation?"

(Y/n) smirked at his attitude and swatted his arm.  
"Heh, _I dunno Raph,_ maybe when you came to check on me when I couldn’t stay still during a movie,” she pecked his cheek and he froze, “or when you offered to train me when your brothers wouldn’t,” another peck on the other, “or the late night talks,” one on his fore head, “or when you play games with me,” one on his nose, “or...” she paused to see the restraint in his eyes and smirked, “the months I spent in the tank and heard you regretting things you don’t deserve to regret.”  
He was shocked at the pathetic look she had adopted but it was quickly overtaken by the shock that she just kissed him. Really kissed him, for real.  
He didn’t know if he wanted to cry -he wasn’t sure if it was out of joy or embarrassment- or to hug her and never let go.  
So he simply went with both.

Almost a years worth of frustration and restraint released in one pounce and a fervent kiss that she matched yet let him lead.  
He clung to her, fearing he would simply wake up and everything about her would have been a cruel dream.

A thought occurred to him; he loved her yet he had no idea when it went from like to love. Had it been an accumulation of small things or all at once and he just missed it? Had it always been there? Knowing himself, he thought it possible that he really did just miss the ‘aha’ moment of it.

All that mattered right now though, was that she was kissing him back and didn’t pull away from him or fight it. Someone wanted him and he didn’t know what to do with it other than do what he always did when his emotions ran too high: get it out.


End file.
